The Tale of the Fair Ogress and the Puss in Boots
by Fade9wayz
Summary: A Sailor MoonShrek fusional parody. Michiru, a lovely ogress is forced by Prince Endymion to go and get Princess Minako for him. On the way, she meets new friends and most of all, the infamous Puss in Boots... Shoujo ai. Rated MA to be safe. Edited and up
1. Prologue: Condition

**The Tale of the Fair Ogress and the Puss in Boots**

A Sailor Moon/Shrek fusion or something

Principally pairing Michiru/Haruka, but everybody's there

Disclaimer and AN combo: This is a Sailor moon x Shrek shoujo-ai fanfiction. I do not own any of these characters, much to my annoyance... The following plot is mine though. However, it is influenced by several popular European fairy tales ('The Puss in Boots' and 'Donkey Pelt' of _Charles Perrault_, 'Snow White' of _J. & W. Grimm_, 'The Little Matches Seller' of _Hans Christian Andersen_ and 'The Beauty and the Beast' of _Madame Leprince de Beaumont_). Also, Fiore is here freely inspired from the Cardinal Richelieu in 'The Four Musketeers' of _Alexandre Dumas_ - I hope I didn't mess with the translations - And of course, 'No woman, no cries' is a Bob Marley song (I apologize in advance to any Jamaican reader for the cliché image, but I don't know any famous Dutch song. And I don't approve of drug consumption of course – wag a finger reproachfully while smirking – and neither should you...). Don't sue me, I just do this for entertainment and don't earn any money out of it, I have already enough debts as it is...

I was on the shoujo ai forum when I saw the topic 'What was your twistiest idea for a fanfic 'til now', or something like that. At the time, apart from my 'Setsuna's advice', I was out of really good ideas, since I was more in a heroic-fantasy drawing mood lately. So I didn't answer. But, something like thirty minutes later, the idea of a SM/Shrek crossover struck me. Very hard! Look, look! It's still open! Does someone have some Band-Aid? It's not like I have something against chibi-blood-geysers, but they tend to be rather messy. If only I knew how to do black sausages... Anyway, after thirty other minutes or so, I had figured almost every characters and bits of the story assaulted my damaged mind (I take advantage of this little moment to say that, no, I don't take any illegal substance and consume the legal ones quite reasonably, my insanity is 100 natural, I think...). So, even though I'm usually not a very big fan of crossovers, I was laughing evilly by myself while getting home for dinner... Sorry to take so long, on with the story. Please, review! Me love reviews!

Warning! Major OOC!

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**Prologue: Condition**

An imposing shadow fell on a mirror hanging on the wall. Quite low on the wall, actually. A swirling smoke was dancing into it, creating mystical patterns. «O mirror, magic mirror! I summon you!» The loud and self-important voice of the shadow's owner rang in the vast and richly decorated room.

"... No woman, no cries, No woman, no criiies..." Was the only answer. A leather-gloved hand balled in a tight fist, crushed the delicate rose it was holding. Another similarly clothed hand grabbed a smaller hand mirror lying on a nearby oaken table. It handed the smaller mirror to the hooded, feminine figure that was patiently waiting behind the lord of the castle.

The hooded woman silently produced a diamond ring and began to cut the glass with swift, neat slashes.

Another female figure promptly appeared in the magic mirror. The lady was crushing her hands on her ears, her eyes tightly shut, as if in great pain. A bohemian dress clung loosely to her gorgeous body and revealed a generous cleavage while a simple leather belt hugged her thin waist. Her skin was of the most appetizing mocha. She had long dark hair with green huesOnce again, the lord and his executioner inwardly wondered if it could actually be due to some muss, dreadlocks weren't exactly known for being sterile...

The music stopped as she yelled. "STOP THAT! You monster! I can hear it scream! Stop dammit! Oh man..."

The lord smirked, but held up a hand to stop the executioner. The mirror entity opened her startling red eyes to glare at him. Still smiling, he leaned his handsome face closer to the mirror, his feature clearly promising a hell of inventive tortures. She had to avert her eyes first.

"Okay, okay, so waddya want man?" She asked, defeated.

"Mmmh?"

"Oh, alright! Of what help may I be to you, my lord?"

"That's better. Remember that you are here only to serve me. I expect you not to make me wait when I call you, Setsuna. Time is flying and I have other matters to attend to! My precious roses are waiting for me, for instance."

Behind him, the executioner rolled her eyes and Setsuna barely suppressed the urge to imitate her. Instead, she bowed deeply, successfully hiding her face from her lord. "I apologize, prince Endymion. This will not be repeated."

"Good, good. Now, let's talk business. I need you to help me find a woman!"

At this, Setsuna quickly straightened up, here eyes widening. "WHAT? Did something happen to Fiore?"

"No, no..." He answered, slightly irritated. "The Royal Gardener and Cardinal is fine. He was actually most pleased when I offered him a dozen bags of the finest fertilizer for his birthday two days ago." He smiled at the memory of his own present for this. "Anyway, my mother sent me a letter, I have one month to marry a woman if I want to inherit. The damn rich hag! So, I need to find some princess, you know, to dust the castle, take care of the brat..."

"Oh..." Was Setsuna's rather stupid answer. "Man, you're in big trouble!" She fished a small **_cone_** of paper filled with aromatic herbs in her dreadlocks, stuck it in her mouth, lit it up and sucked on it blissfully. Her face stretched in a smile that had a somewhat glazed, intemporal quality to it. "Let's see what I've got in store for you man!" And she blew a large amount of smoke, her figure disappearing, slowly clouded, as reggae music made itself heard again.

"Our first very lucky candidate is Queen Beryl!" The picture of a woman clad in red and black leather and expertly wielding an impressive whip appeared. "Very strong personality, a lot of land and devoted subjects. Very wealthy family too. However, her previous husbands never seemed to last very long..."

"Oh? How many times did she get married?" Endymion asked curiously.

"About fifty-eight times, officially. Her last husband died two weeks ago."

'Why did she have to say it so cheerfully?' The young lord visibly paled. "Hum, I don't think that such a beautiful lady needs to be bothered with another wedding, she must still be in mourning."

"Rriiight! Next in line is Princess Makoto." A new picture replaced the previous one.

"Hey! I know her! She kicked my butt when I... Hum! Anyway, I can't possibly marry her. What would I look like standing beside such a giant, the whole court will mock me!" Not to mention that she promised him she would impale him if they ever met again, he added mentally.

"I heard you say to the Royal Gardener that size didn't matter..." The executioner cheerfully piped in, surprising the other two, who had completely forgotten about her.

The prince turned around and glared at his newest employee. "You are dismissed, young Hotaru. You may go and torture some rebels..."

The executionerbowed and left the room quietly under the icy glare of her lord, not without mumbling something about trying to be helpful though. In the mirror dimension, Setsuna was tearing her guts apart with laughter. She just had the time to recompose herself before Endymion turned back to her.

"Okay, then our last candidate is princess Minako." The new picture that formed in the mirror was truly enchanting. Breathtaking, in fact. The blonde was the most beautiful woman the prince had ever laid his eyes upon. Her own baby blue eyes were captivating. She carried herself with grace and elegance, she was perfect. "Her kingdom is also extremely rich and she is said to hold the key of a tremendous power!" By now, the young prince was over the moon. "But she has been kidnapped by a fearsome dragon and is now held captive in a dark castle. Every attempt to free her has been met by a fatal issue." This last comment brought him back crashing on Earth.

"Oh well, it can't be helped then... Anyone else?"

"No, sorry. We have some trouble with the princess factory..."

Endymion sighed. "Then I shall appoint a worthy champion for this most honorable quest. Any suggestion?"

"Err, man, you certainly have the best army of gardeners, but I doubt that any of them would succeed..."

"There must be someone able to take on this dragon though! This is a fairy tale, for god's sakes! Anyone would do!"

"Well, in that case, there IS someone..."


	2. Of Want and reality

**Of Want and Reality**

Somewhere inside the dark forest, a cozy little cottage was diligently tended by a green blur. The green blur in question had wavy aquamarine hair and deep blue eyes. She wore a simple but spotless dress, an orange bandana on her head and a white apron protected her from the dust, and cobwebs, and ash, and... Whatever the brown little thingy that had begun to eat away the woody beams was. Once the cottage was shining like a bald head, she carefully hanged delicate curtains to the windows, and then she set off to take care of the garden. The day was coming to an end when she finally decided to stop to have a bath. She headed to the pond nearby. Once there, she lit up some perfumed candles, took off her clothes, folded them carefully and gratefully slid in the water.

She grabbed the soap and leisurely began to scrub herself while staring at the stars. Mmmh, nothing could beat the feeling of being clean! The thought brought up mixed feelings. She had always been rather unique. Firstly, she was petite and slender, well, for an ogress that is, which gave her an almost human figure. Almost. She was still an ogress after all. Furthermore, she was naturally – the other ogres spat the word – graceful. In human equivalent, it was as if she was behaving as a monkey. Then, she was a maniacal neat freak. Seriously, she was the bane of dirt! It was a psychological disorder that had been unheard of in the ogrean specie until she was born. And finally, she had artistic aspirations. An ogress! Who would come and see her perform! She was the best violinist miles around though! She knew every folk song and had even written some new ones. She sighed. No wonder the other ogres didn't socialize with her... Except uncle Shreck. He had always been kind to her. He had heard of some of the difficulties she was going through and offered her to take over the cottage, since it wasn't suitable for a couple. She smiled fondly, thinking of him. He and princess Fiona made such a cute couple. She wished she'd had the time to talk with them longer before they left for their honeymoon.

Why couldn't she find someone? Why couldn't she have it? Where was the prince charming when you needed one? Were they on strike? She let out a faint growl and decided she'd better go to sleep. She gathered the fishes she had unconsciously captured, out of habit, and headed back to her new home.

She started to cook, first killing and cleaning her preys with practiced efficiency. She was still in deep thoughts, though. Yes, she felt lonely. She wanted someone to share her meals with. She wanted someone she could cuddle up to and who would warm her feet in bed. She wanted someone who would be a better audience than bugs and other soon-to-be-cooked animals. Was that too much to ask? She ate and did the washing up on automatic mode, not really tasting the food. She was about to blow the candles when loud knocks made her door shake.

She immediately perked up. Had her wish come true? She strolled to the door, hastily rearranging herself and flung it open, her best smile in place. Only to have her hopes crushed like a juicy cockroach under the merciless thumb of Disappointment. There stood a mere henchman. Everyone knew henchmen weren't really people. They were just there to be beaten up or doing a nice background.

The henchman opened a roll of paper. His brows furrowed like two caterpillars crashing on each other, sweat began to pour from his forehead as his eyes tried to burn a hole in the roll. "I... P-P-Pri... Prin-ce En-Endy... Endymo, no, Endymion..." His face brightened up at having managed to identify the name of his own lord. "... o-o-oo-order? Yeah, order! T... t-th-that... Hey!"

Michiru, who was getting seriously impatient, forcibly grabbed the piece of paper.

"I, Prince Endymion, order that the ogre currently living at:

001 Ogre's Cottage

L 64° N, l. 46°E and 56 mn

Middle of Deep Dark Forest (near the pond)

Semi-Autonomous Greenland

New Tokyo Kingdom

Be brought to His Lordship (that would be Me) at once!

His Great, Magnificent, Almighty, Supreme Majesty

Endymion the First

P.S.: Feel free to use any mean to insure the capture of the monster..."

Raising an eyebrow, the young ogress looked up at the henchman, who was fascinated to discover that some people could read without following words with their finger. She looked back at the piece of paper. A prince. A real prince requested her presence. HER presence! The presence of a lady! And... She delicately brought it to her nose... Yes! it was perfumed with the scent of roses... It could mean only one thing! She was invited to a royal ball! It was finally her turn! She would dance with the prince and undoubtly seduce him and live happily ever after! She didn't know what the line about a monster was about, but it didn't matter. She threw a fist in the air in victory. Thank god, the cockroaches are hard to get rid of!

"Yeah! That's going to rock, baby!" She then addressed the henchman. "Give me one minute, I'll change and I'll be all yours..." With that she rushed back in her house...

Three hours later, she had to shake the henchman awake. What greeted him was the mesmerizing vision of a gorgeous young ogress tightly hugged by a strapless blue and white delicate gown made of satin that set off her olivean skin. Her hair flowed freely on her shoulders and tantalizing bare back. A daphodyl was tucked behind her left ear. A pearl necklace, silver bracelets and white stilettos completed the outfit. She handed two rather heavy travel-bags and a violin case to the henchman, who after having covered in atavic fear, took them as if he was manipulating trinitroglycerine. "I am ready, now. Bring me to his Majesty."

A now familiar (to us) hooded figure suddenly appeared seemingly out of nowhere beside the young ogress, causing the henchman to almost die under the additional weight of a healthy ogress. She produced two handfuls of heavy-looking chains. "Would you mind, miss...?" She asked quietly.

Having recovered from her surprise, the young ogress looked at the chains. "Kaioh Michiru." She helpfully supplied. A faint blush colored her cheeks as she began to giggle girlishly behind a finely manicured hand. "Oh! This is so kinky... I shall reward him for being so considerate as soon as possible!"

The other two sweat dropped.

It was dawn when they finally reached the castle. It was your traditional fairy tale castle, with high white towers, flags with a rose pattern flapping in the wind, deceptively solid walls and ruralflowersat each window, even those of the dungeon. The inhabitants greeted Michiru and her escort with great respect, making sure to give a clear path to the young ogress. Not long after, she was introduced in the royal court. The guards of the room suddenly fell to their knees and the most decorated of them yelled "His Majesty, the Great Prince Endymion the First and his Holy Lordship the Cardinal!"

An impressive door opened beside him while trumpets played - or tried to play - the national anthem. A funny little man walked in. He was about 150 cm. He was wearing a red and black jacket over a white shirt, black stockings and shoes, a chocolate muffin-like hat, with a feather stuck in, a black and red cape and was carrying a cane. A much taller man followed him. He probably had some ogrish or goblinoid blood in him since his skin was rather green. Or was it trollish? He certainly reminded her of some plant. Pink bangs framed his delicate face and he wore some kind of red dress. He could probably be easily mistaken for a cactus in flower. Finally came two henchmen carrying a mirror.

Michiru kept staring expectantly at the door five good minutes before realizing than no one else would pass it. She looked at the wall in front of her, where she had previously spotted the throne, and found that the funny little man was sitting on it, the cactus man was at his right and the mirror a few steps below on his left.

Disappointment made a mocking come-back as realization struck her, bringing Disbelief, Despair, Frustration and Anger as reinforcement forces. THIS was the prince? No way! She couldn't believe it, but her eyes weren't lying to her. He was maybe a prince, but she couldn't find anything charming in him! It wasn't that he was particularly ugly. Actually, if she was honest, he was quite handsome, in a vertically-challenged way... But... But, well, to put it simply, where was the shopping center music? Where were the proverbial fireworks supposed to hit them at the mere sight of each other? And why was the cactus man holding the prince's hand? That was not the way it was supposed to be! If at least it had been the Royal Postman, she wouldn't feel so cheated. But the Cardinal? Even if he was the Royal Gardener as well, it was completely unfair! Why the hell was everything going wrong in her fucking life goddammit!

Speaking of the prince, he was beginning to squirm under her intense stare. He coughed nervously in his free hand. He turned towards his companion, whispering "Fiore, I thought she was supposed to be male?"

The greenish man caught the hint of disappointment in his prince's voice, interpreting it perfectly. But before he could snap at him, he was interrupted by Setsuna's voice.

"It doesn't matter if she's male or female, baby... Look at her, she's an ogress. She can probably take on everything. She's exactly what we're looking for."

The new voice brought Michiru back to reality. She knew it! This unmistakable rich tone, the exotic accent. She knew only one person who had this particular voice, her childhood teacher. She looked at the mirror, finally recognizing it. "Miss Setsuna? Is that you?"

The swirling smoke into the mirror cleared to leave place to the magic entity. Setsuna stared at Michiru with great surprise. "Michiru? Little Michiru? Oh my god! You have grown so much! Look at you! You've become such a beautiful lady! I can't call you little Michiru anymore. Just call me Setsuna, by the way. How have you been doing? Oh, it's been so long! Did you keep practicing what I taught you?"

Both women squealed with joy and began chatting a hundred miles a minute while the two men were witnessing the event rather dumbly.

Finally, irritated at being completely ignored, the prince sharply banged the tip of his cane on the floor. "Ogress, as touching as it may be, you haven't been summoned here by His Mighty Lordship, this is Me, in case you hadn't understood, for a nostalgic reunion. You have been granted the honor to lead a sacred quest in the name of God, and Mine of course, which is the same!"

"Why does he keep talking about himself in big letters?" Michiru whispered to Setsuna from the corner of her mouth.

"Have to compensate somehow..." Answered the entity in an as indiscreet whisper.

A vein began to throb on the prince's forehead. "I AM NOT SMALL!"

"And anyway, size doesn't matter, does it?" Fiore added smugly. Still upset, he didn't even bother to hide the slight hint of doubt in his statement. It was with perverse satisfaction that he found himself on the receiving end of an icy glare.

Endymion turned his attention back to the young ogress. "Anyway, you are to defeat the dragon that has captured princess Minako and bring her to me."

"And what if I refuse?"

Unfazed, Endymion snapped his fingers. Immediately, the executioner materialized behind the mirror, a hammer in hand. "Then Setsuna, our mutual friend, might have a fatal accident..." He drawled.

Michiru's eyes narrowed. She couldn't let that happen. Setsuna was one of her too few friends. Besides, she wanted to stay in the show... She adopted the 'Lady-like Pose No 4, Ideal To Look Bastards Down'. Not that it was very difficult in that case... "You don't leave me much of a choice I fear, prince. You better not hurt Setsuna, though."

A self-satisfied smile tugged at the prince's lips. "Of course, we always take great care of our friends in this kingdom."

Setsuna offered her a grateful smile. "Thank you, Michiru." Then she added in a mysterious tone. "You might also find your heart desire in this quest..."

At this, Fiore handed her a sealed envelope. "This will grant you free passage through the kingdom." Then, he clapped his hands. Two guards entered, dragging a miserable figure between them, which they threw sprawling at Michiru's feet like a piece of garbage. Thin arms hinted that the figure was female, but the rest was covered beneath an oversized, worn out, stinking and dirty pelt of donkey.

Michiru had to take a step back. Every cell in her cried out for antibacterial detergent and a steel brush, or possibly a flame-thrower. "What is that?" She asked in horrified fascination. She could practically see all sorts of acarians having a hell of an orgiac party in the pelt.

"She's a maid in the castle, she usually takes care of the cat's littering box." Fiore disgustedly answered. "Everybody calls her Donkey Pelt. She knows the way. She will accompany you in your quest and help you in everything."

"No!" Michiru was hastily backing down to the gates, snatching back her violin case from the henchman's hands. "I don't need any help!" And she literally flew past them. In no time, she was running to the hills.

A last, longing glance at Endymion and Donkey Pelt scrambled to her feet, purchasing the young ogress. "Wait for me miss Michiru! I want to be in the show too!"


	3. Wolves don't hide in the woods

A.N: To clarify, Chibi-Usa is ten years old, Hotaru's twelve, the Inners are twenty-four. Fiore, Endymion, Michiru and Haruka are twenty-seven. Setsuna and Serenity refused to tell me how old they were, explaining me that a lady should NOT be asked these kind of things, to which I readily agreed since I wanted to stay alive... NO! Not the ruler on the fingers! Ow! TT

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**Wolves don't hide in the woods... It's full of bugs!**

From a high window, the executioner watched with emotionless eyes the ogress and the servant hurrying on their quest. She didn't turn around as she said "They must be stopped. I don't care how, but do it quickly. You have carte blanche."

The tall humanoid behind her smirked, executed an elaborate salute with their hat and left, making their cape swirl stylishly behind them.

Then, the executioner left the room too, walked down a steep, endless staircase, stopped in the kitchen, grabbed a tray of food, came out in the open inner court and headed to the massive dungeon. She took the time to look up at the impossibly high tower before entering it and climbing the spiraling stairs, all the while wondering why princesses always had to be locked up at the top of dungeons. She hoped apparently randomly, avoiding some steps, bent sometimes to avoid cutting rays of light, and seemed to disappear in the shadows at some point only to reappear higher on the stairs, seemingly out of nowhere. At least, she was the one who had been put in charge to booby trap the building. She knew all of them... Finally, she reached the top floor and opened a metal-reinforced wooden door that wasn't even locked...

She looked the room over. It was where the daughter's prince was held prisoner by the cardinal. The prince didn't even know she was there. He didn't even know he had a daughter anymore... At least, it was quite decent. Actually, it was probably the warmest and coziest place of the whole castle since she had taken up the post of executioner, four years ago. That was when she had met her only true friend, the princess, for the first time. The younger girl had seen right through her hood. The little princess had seen the loneliness the dark executioner hid behind it and over the time, the two young girls had developed the most unlikely friendship.

Of course, no one knew about it, least of all the cardinal, she had been very careful about that. Anyway, nobody cared to come up there. High, trapped dungeons had some advantages, she had to admit...

Since then, Hotaru had brought candles of all sizes and colors, thick carpets, heavy curtains, piles of cushions, do-it-yourself furniture. She had even managed to have a fireplace made. Of course, the builder had had to be taken care of afterwards, but it was worth it. It was chilly up there! She had even spent some of her week-ends repainting the bloody and dark walls in white with the help of the princess. She smiled at the memory of a pink-haired girl covered with white spots, laughing happily.

Speaking of the princess, where was she? Hotaru set the tray on the table and crossed the living room and opened the bedroom door. It was decorated much in the same way as the previous room. The pink-haired girl was leaning against the window. She turned at her friend's entrance. "Is it done?" She asked sadly.

Hotaru just nodded.

"Was it really necessary? This Michiru seemed to be a nice ogress, for what you told me. Maybe she could help us. And Donkey Pelt isn't able to stand up without tripping, much less rescuing some princess. And would you have really hurt Puu?"

The executioner looked at her sadly. The younger woman was so innocent, so compassionate. That was why she had to be strong for her, to be able to protect her. "I am sorry, small lady, you know I would never do that. But we can't afford to let them endanger our plans. If this wedding is realized, the revolution will never succeed and you will never be recognized as the true heir to the throne."

Chibi-Usa stepped forward and hugged her only friend, burying her head in her shoulder. "You know that I don't care about it... All I want is to be free, with you..."

The dark-haired girl hugged her back, tightly. "I know, but it will never happen as long as the cardinal Fiore's alive and have your father under his spell. Besides, we already know that Fiore plans to dispose of princess Minako if she ever marries your father. We can't let that happen either..."

Meanwhile, in another part of the castle, the cardinal was having a hard time keeping his temper in check. "This wedding will never be!" He almost yelled, jealousy dripping from every word. "This castle is mine, this kingdom is mine and more importantly, Endymion is MINE!"

His only audience, a kneeling woman clad in leather armor shuddered upon hearing how venomous his tone was. She sincerely pitied whoever would dare to stand in the cardinal's way.

He walked to his desk, picked up a small leather purse and threw it to the mercenary. "You!" He barked. "Take those magic beans. Use them wisely for it took me a lot of power to make them. I want the ogress and the slave dead! Do I make myself clear?"

She swallowed nervously. "Yes, Milord."

Fiore walked up to her. He reached out and idly ran his hand through her green hair, so much like his. "Succeed, and your reward will be past all your hopes..." His hold on her hair tightened and he pulled her roughly to her feet to meet his eyes. "... Fail, and death will be too sweet of a punishment for you!"

"Yes, Milord!" She managed to squeak out and as soon as she was released, she all but fled the room.

A few hours later and Michiru had discovered that Donkey Pelt was more persistent than concrete and that there was no way she would get rid of her. Similarly, trying to avoid any physical contact with the walking bacteriological threat was wishful thinking! The girl was the clumsiest creature she had ever met. How could any specie produce such a specimen and still not be extinct yet? It was as if every root, every stone and even her own feet were members of a world machination whose only purpose was to make her trip and fall on the poor ogress. Michiru was in dire need for a bath. In addition, Donkey Pelt proved to be able to babble about anything, relentlessly. Michiru considered herself as a fairly sociable, patient and polite ogress but even her had limits. A hell of a headache was steadily building up in her poor skull.

And things had considerably worsened when the heel of one of her precious stilettos broke.

To sum up, Michiru was about to explode.

"Hum, Miss Michiru? What did Setsuna mean, your heart desire?"

The question caused Michiru to stop so abruptly that Donkey Pelt, who was walking just behind her, slammed in her at full speed. They both lost their balance and fell forward, rolling down a hill in a tangle of limbs and cries of pain and fear.

As she rolled, Michiru noticed that the slope ended up on a cliff. Out of instinct, she grabbed the other girl and as they were launched in the air, she threw Donkey Pelt back on the hill with all her strength, and then braced herself for her fatal fall...

... Only to splash down in a filthy marsh a few meters lower.

A stupefied silence fell on the woods. Without a word, the young ogress covered in mud and aquatic plants slowly stood up. She uselessly dusted herself, walked back up to where the servant was still sitting, the eyes of the donkey head still spiraling. When the probably human girl recovered, she jumped in fear when she saw Michiru towering above her. "Ack! The swamp monster!" She yelled, trying frantically to stand up to run away.

Michiru grabbed her by the collar and brought her to her face. "Donkey Pelt! Enough of your silliness! It's me, Michiru!"

The young human calmed down instantaneously. Michiru saw a bright smile flash under the horrendous pelt. "Michiru! You saved my life! I owe you my life in return! I'll follow you everywhere until I can pay you back!" And she glomped the ogress in a bone-crashing hug.

Michiru wanted to groan.

Michiru wanted to cry.

Michiru wanted to deny everything.

"Say, Michiru, why are you covered in mud? Did you have a skin beauty treatment?" Donkey Pelt asked cheerfully.

That was when Michiru realized that everything she wanted was irrelevant. She gently lowered the smaller girl and with as much dignity as she could muster given the circumstances, she asked, very slowly. "Donkey Pelt, do you know of any clean inn with a well-equipped bathroom and nice, bug-free beds anywhere near here?"

"Sure, there's one not too far from here in Juuban Town. That's the best in the whole kingdom!" Eyes sparkled. "Great food too!"

"Let's get there, then..."

Concealed by the vegetation, the slitted dark blue eyes of a predator thoroughly studied them, lingering on the ogress's heavenly built figure in particular.

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A.N: No, Hotaru and Chibi-Usa are not sexually involved with each other, even though they do share deep feelings. Maybe later, when they are older. 


	4. Hair and Fur

**Hair and Fur**

It took them two hours through the dense forest, cutting through the marsh more than often, to finally reach the small village that Juuban Town was. In truth, they got lost, you see... Sense of direction wasn't one of Donkey Pelt strong points.

'Does she has any?' A little voice in Michiru's head perfidly asked. She guiltily battered down the voice. It wasn't like her to be that cynical. After all, the girl didn't deserve it. Yes, she was a bit... Err, incredibly clumsy and, hum, rather oblivious, but she had sincerely tried her best. Not that it was really helpful, but she had also been genuinely interested in Michiru's life. She had even asked her to play the violin, a request that the young ogress was more than happy to grant. It was the first time that someone really wanted to listen to her, after all, she couldn't let the chance pass. Even if she played for only one person, in the middle of the woods, covered in mud and unidentified plants. And the girl had actually shed a tear upon hearing the sad piece Michiru had chosen. The ogress didn't know why, but she felt flattered. She couldn't recall the last time anyone had taken interest in her. She couldn't recall the last time someone had tried so hard to befriend her.

That girl, Michiru decided, hid a diamond under this pelt. The ogress wondered why she always wore this horrendous thing. Curiosity stung her. What did Donkey Pelt really looked like? What was her real name? What was her story? Michiru had tried to get answers to these questions, but Donkey Pelt had cleverly diverted her by asking again about Setsuna's last words.

Setsuna's words. The main thing that had preoccupied her thoughts since she had taken on this quest. 'My heart's desire?' Well she wanted a lot of things. The most urgent one at the moment being a bath...

"AAHHH! MONSTERS! MONSTERS ARE ATTACKING THE VILLAGE!"

The high-pitched scream wrenched her out of her thoughts. She and Donkey Pelt frantically looked around them, trying locating the new threat. That's when she saw the mob of villagers with sharp scythes and nasty pitchforks heading towards her and the servant that she understood who the monsters were. She backpedaled hurriedly, dragging Donkey Pelt with her.

"NO! We aren't monsters! We are on a quest for Prince Endymion!" With her free hand, she reached in the cleavage of what was left of her dress and produced the cardinal's envelope. It was dripping pitifully. Nevertheless, she threw it at the mob.

The mob backed away in perfect synchronization, staring at the wet envelope lying in the grass as if it was going to blow up. One of the peasant even poked it with his pitchfork to verify it wasn't alive... They whispered among themselves, occasionally glancing nervously at the two women. Finally, they seemed to come to a consensus.

"We haffta get Thinker!" She could hear them say. "Yeah, Thinker can read 'nd all... And it ain't like she'll be a loss for da village if they eat her..." "Yeah, we dun need a useless doctor! We're all healthy as horses." "And her fees're too high!" "But she ain't asked to be paid..." "That's what I said! That ain't normal!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "Yeahh!" They finally claimed in unison.

A peasant was quickly selected to go fetch the person called Thinker. He came back two minutes later, a rather petite, well dwarfish was more accurate, woman, tagging along, a curious look painted on her gentle face. She had deep intelligent blue eyes and short dark blue hair. She wore a plain white dress with plenty of pockets, writing feathers stuck in them, and carried a black handbag. She looked at the ogress and her companion with an amused glint dancing in her eyes. She neared the envelope, kneeled and carefully picked it up as the mob backed further away, not so far as they'd miss the show, though.

She opened her bag, took a small, very sharp-looking knife and opened it without breaking the seal. She opened the letter, read it silently and carefully folded it back. Then she turned to the expectant villagers. "They are not lying. They have really been sent on a quest by the Prince himself." She said quietly.

"But what if these monsters had killed the real hero and taken the letter?" A peasant asked dubiously.

Thinker smiled confidently. "That was a very intelligent question and I am glad that you pointed it out." She saw him literally inflate with pride. "However, as you can see, this envelope has been sealed with the Cardinal's personal holy seal, which means that it has been blessed by the church and God Himself. Thus, no SINNER, much less monster, would be able to touch it without being immediately burned to ashes and their soul sent to hell to suffer an eternity of torments." She handed the letter to them. "Does anyone want to have a look?"

It was amazing to see how perfectly healthy people could suddenly look so ill. "NO! Err... No, we trust you completely, Thinker. Now, err... Oh! The sun's setting already! So late! Gotta go, by!" and they dispersed hurriedly.

In a dark little street, not far from the trio, a blue-eyed shadow was cursing their luck. Plan A was in the drains. It was time for plan B, then...

Left alone, Thinker turned to the two newcomers and walked to them. She extended her hand. "Good evening, travelers. My name is Ami, the town's doctor, but everybody here calls me Thinker." She looked them over as each one alternatively took her hand and shook it. "And I believe you are looking for an accommodation for the night?"

Donkey Pelt bounced enthusiastically. "Oh wow! You're so clever! How did you guess?"

Michiru and Ami sweat dropped.

"Err... Indeed. She's called Donkey Pelt and my name's Michiru. Thank you for helping us out!" Ami smiled in return, a slight blush coloring her cheeks. Yep, Michiru really liked the blue-haired doctor, she decided. "We heard about a famous inn in this town and thought we would spend the night. It's called the 'Snow White Inn', I believe..."

At this, a smile like no other blossomed on the young dwarf's face. "Oh! Mako's tavern! Of course, it's the best in the whole kingdom. I was going there myself, I'll show you the way..." The blush on her pretty face considerably deepened at mentioning the inn's owner name. Michiru had to smile to herself. Of course a pretty little thing like her would be taken...

It was a short walk, really. And Michiru wasn't disappointed. It was huge, considering the size of the village, there was large stables in the backyard. Indoor, it was brightly lighted, and spotless! The ground floor was obviously a bar-restaurant, already packed with patrons of all origins, waiting for the evening meal, which was absolutely delicious, if the smell coming from the kitchen behind the bar was any indication. Michiru noticed a stage in the far end of the room, but nobody was currently performing. A staircase on her right led to the bedrooms, upstairs. The inn was probably a coach stop.

Ami disappeared directly in the kitchen and came back minutes later, pulling on the hand of the tallest woman Michiru had ever met. She knew she wasn't the tallest of ogresses by far, but still! This woman was really impressive! She blinked several times, her gaze jumping from the giant to the dwarf and back again. And for once, Donkey Pelt was speechless as well. Imagination was launched into stratosphere for both of them.

"You better not make any tasteless joke!" The giant warned in thunderous tone.

Michiru suddenly realized that she was staring. "Oh my! I apologize for my unforgivable behavior. I didn't intend to be so rude!" She nudged the still awe-struck Donkey Pelt, who snapped out of her private fantasy and followed the ogress's example. Err, actually she literally jumped to the tall woman's feet, mumbling incoherently about being deeply sorry, delicious smell, plush beds...

Ami smiled reassuringly while helping the prostrated girl up. "Please, don't be embarrassed, we get that look all the time..."

"It is still not an excuse for my unacceptable behavior, but I thank you for your understanding and forgiveness." Michiru replied firmly, which earned her a smile from the Snow White's owner.

"Yeah, you can thank her, personally I'd have flattened you." Her smile widened when the two women paled down, swallowing nervously.

The petite doctor swatted her arm. "Ow! Okay, okay! I'll be nice now." She turned to her two new guests. "So, Ami tells me that you'll be spending the night?"


	5. Traditions

Traditions

The bath had been an absolutely sinful delight. The simple white shirt and brown skirt that Makoto had loaned her were fresh and clean. They smelt of mint. Oh god, she felt ogrean again. And now she was sit to a generously loaded table with Donkey Pelt (who was - Alleluia! - also clean, although the pelt seemed even more ruffled than before), Ami and Makoto.

The ogress, the dwarf and the giant were blinking in disbelief when the human began to literally ravage the dishes. It was like watching a tornado destroy a land. It was like watching a black hole swallowing a galaxy, in accelerated motion, of course. They instinctively inched away from the girl, in fear of being mistaken for the food.

Michiru turned to Ami. "So, I hope you don't mind my asking, but how come that a dwarf lives so far from her people and where there's no gold mine no less?"

A sad smile appeared on the blue-haired girl. Makoto wrapped an arm around her delicate figure and squeezed her reassuringly. Stormy green eyes pinned down apologetic ones. Ami reached out and hugged the giant back. "This is alright Mako, I shouldn't be so sensitive." Makoto was about to protest when Ami covered her mouth with a hand, tenderly silencing her.

She turned back to their guests. "You have maybe noticed that I am not exactly the most common specimen of the dwarfish specie. Dwarves are naturally inclined to science. They are usually more attracted to engineering, physics and geology. I am no exception, but what really interested me was medicine, chemistry and, well, letters, which is quite unusual in our society. The fact that I mastered all of these disciplines made up for it, though. And a doctor always comes in handy in a mine." She took a shaky breath. "However, what really made an outcast of me were my frail constitution... And the fact that I don't have any facial hair." She finished in a tiny voice.

Michiru was shocked to hear this. There was someone else who had suffered a similar fate as hers.

"Nuuh? Shoaunds likre Miglifu! Acckkk!" Donkey Pelt exclaimed before choking on a piece of bread.

The ogress patted her on the back, maybe a bit more strongly than necessary, until the piece of bread shot out of her mouth and landed somewhere in the crowd. Someone yelled. Someone else yelled back. Soon sounds of fights were heard and Makoto had to go settle the situation, which she did by using one of the brawlers to knock the other down. In no time she was back, her arm wrapped protectively around Ami as if nothing had happened.

Ami was curious now. "Were you kept apart because you didn't have any facial hair too?"

"Hum... Ami dear, I don't think that's what she meant. Having facial hair is not very common among female ogres or humans..." The tall brunette interjected.

The dwarf frowned. "But many human women in this village do have a moustache, some even have a beard..."

"Err..."

Michiru quickly came to rescue the giant. "Actually, it is more because I'm what you could call a neat freak, that and I love arts. My greatest wish is to become a renown violin player." Her eyes were downcast when she added. "It is absolutely unacceptable for an ogress to behave like that and I have been banned. And all the other species are afraid of ogres..."

The three other women didn't miss the sheer loneliness in her voice and offered her comforting smiles.

Ami patted her hand. "I used to feel like you do. I thought that because of my difference I would be alone all my life. I used to think that nobody could love me, that I was an error. Until I met Makoto. She told me I was beautiful. She told me she loved me, and more importantly, she made me understand that I deserve happiness too."

A collective "Awww..." came from the crowd.

Blushing, she continued. "I am certain that there is someone for you out there!"

"Yeah! Love is blind!" Donkey Pelt enthusiastically supplied.

The others face-planted. When Makoto finally recovered, she added. "And in the meantime, I would be honored to be counted as a friend of yours. Hey, you could even come and play violin here..." She extended her hand.

Michiru stared at it a long time, taken aback. Then her face blossomed in a beautiful smile. She took the hand with her own, a tear rolling down her cheek. "You don't know how happy it makes me." She said softly.

The two others solemnly joined their own hands to Michiru's and Makoto's.

Another collective sigh was heard. An over muscled barbarian warrior even shed a tear.

"Sissy!" Someone spat.

"Who said that?" The barbarian bellowed.

"I told you it would happen if you dressed like that!" A fully armored knight beside him added, sounding annoyed. "Really, leather strings are so cliché!"

"But... But it's traditional! And you weren't complaining yesterday night!" His lower lip was trembling.

"Oh, look! The big barbarian's going to cry!" The same voice than before said.

"BARBARIANS DON'T CRY!" And with that, he went berserk and head-butted the first patron under his reaches, starting the equally very traditional brawl in a tavern.

Soon enough, the tavern was a furious battlefield. Fists, elbows and knees connected with temples, eyes, jaws, solar plexus and family jewels. If they weren't already flying by themselves, teeth, or fangs sometimes, sank in calves or throats. People were sent crashing on chairs and tables. Chairs and tables were sent crashing on people.

In the confusion, the women got separated. Michiru had seen Donkey Pelt crawling away. Hopefully she had found some shelter. She had also had the time to see Makoto beating to a pulp a brawler who had stupidly attacked Ami before they disappeared out of her sight. She herself had no difficulty to dispose of her few attackers. Being an ogress had it's advantages. But she was getting quite pissed. Luckily, the fight was coming to an end.

"LOOK OUT!" A voice near her suddenly shouted.

She looked around her curiously. Finding nothing, she finally looked up to find that the large, heavy wooden wheel that stood as a chandelier was about to fall, and that she was just under it.

Before she knew what happened, something collided with her with enough momentum to throw her safely out of the way just as the chandelier crashed down, making the whole inn shake and creating a large cloud of dust.

When she opened her eyes, it was to meet the two most beautiful green orbs she had ever seen (A.N: Now, it would improve the storytelling a lot if you could listen to 'Blue Eyes' by Elton John while you're reading. Or at least imagine it, you know, 'Blue eyes... Baby's got blue eeyyees...', but with green instead of blue. Thank you.). She also realized that she was tightly cradled in strong arms. She liked this feeling a lot.

"Are you alright?" A sensual voice purred, sending chills along her spine.

It took the ogress a moment to realize that the question was addressed to her and that the voice was owned by the same person who was still holding her. "Yes, yes, thank you, I'm fine..." She cursed herself when the person let her go and took a step back. But now, that she wasn't so close, she could take a good look at this person. The first word that sprang to her mind was 'Handsome'. The second and third, after a split second, were 'Giant cat?'. The giant cat in question was standing on its two hinder legs, like a humanoid. Like that, it was maybe taller than Makoto herself and had a beautiful sandy fur. It wore a stylish black hat with a fluffy white feather pinned in, a black cape, an immaculate white shirt, black gloves, black pants and black leather boots. A large black leather band with a buckle ran from its right shoulder to its left hip where a duelist sword was comfortably hanging.

Michiru quickly averted her gaze when she realized she was ogling this stranger like a five years old would ogle an ice-cream.

"I'm glad..." The giant cat purred again, sounding amused. "It would be a shame if such a gorgeous ogress was hurt." The statement was accompanied by an utterly devastating grin.

Michiru felt her knees go week. 'Gorgeous?' Her brain literally melted. She stuttered. "Yes... I mean, no... I mean, it wouldn't have done me much harm, being an ogress and all..." She doubly cursed herself. 'Oh, smooth, Michiru! Really smooth! You dolt!'

A gloved hand reached out and lightly stroke one of her furiously blushing cheeks. "Then I'm glad I didn't know..."

Before she could reply, she heard Ami, Makoto and Donkey Pelt call her worriedly. She turned around to wave them over. "I'm here! I'm fine, thanks to this gentleman..."

"Who?" They asked, looking in the general direction where Michiru was pointing.

She span around.

Gone...

A.N: You can stop the music now. So, like it? Don't like it? Please, tell me!


	6. Kitty, kitty, kitty C'mere!

**Kitty, kitty, kitty... Cm'here!**

"WHY DIDN'T I KILL HER?"

"Why didn't I just kill her?" The giant cat was pacing in her room, irritated, her long sandy tail furiously lashing back and forth. "It'd been easy, she was at my entire mercy!" In frustration, she flopped back on the bed. "Everything was fine. I set up the brawl and the fall of the chandelier as a diversion, and it perfectly worked. She was completely defenseless when I approached her! I could have broken her neck anytime! No witness, clean work!"

The giant golden cat kicked her boots off, lied down and crossed her arms behind its head. "So why did I just stood there? What was I doing, flirting with her like that?" Slitted blue eyes closed, the picture of a young ogress forming behind them. Her vivid imagination was set free ever since she had held the sweet ogress in her arms. They would live in her own castle, close to the sea. Michiru would stroke her while they would spend a quiet evening close to the fireplace. The ogress would cook them the fishes or mices she would catch for her. The cat was sure Michiru was a great cook. They would explore their territory together. They would share her king size basket. They would play with a wool ball together. They would clean each other...

She sighed. 'When I was close to her, all I could think about was her petting me behind my ears and scratching my tummy, and me, rubbing myself against her...' The giant cat was startled by her own loud and steady purr.

Her eyes widened in disbelief. "What the f...! I'm not in heat or anything!" Worse, since she had laid her eyes on the lovely ogress, she hadn't thought even once about all the pussy and even human women who were chasing her around. She usually quite enjoyed it, but now, everything seemed different. She jumped back on her feet and began to pace in the room again. "What's happening? She must have bewitched me! Yes, it must be her secret power! Many ogres have a secret power, the last I killed could transform himself in any animal!" She stopped abruptly, cupping her chin in one of her paws. "I'll have to check this, if she really has a charm spell on her, it might make things quite difficult for me. It didn't seem to work with the humans in the inn, but it's maybe stronger on animals..."

She thought a bit more about her problem, then, suddenly, a large smile split up her face. She put her boots and her hat back on, opened the window, jumped on the roof opposite to it and disappeared in the night...

Michiru felt rather frustrated. The provisions she had bought this morning wouldn't fit in the backpack Makoto had supplied her. She didn't understand why, it was huge and there was almost nothing inside. Only a few clothes and shoes (you never know what kind of weather you'll have, and what if you're invited to dance or something?), one or two make-up kits (absolutely necessary), soap and shampoo, a bottle or two of an enchanting perfume she had found in the market (she'd have to come back, the market was really lovely), some tiny pieces of jewelry... Nothing, really!

Finally, with a grunt, she shoved it inside and quickly strapped the lid before the content could explode outward. She then tied a covert and her violin case on top of it and turned to the others to find that Makoto and Ami were already ready to go with much more reasonable backpacks and that Donkey Pelt was quivering under the weight of her own one.

"I'm all set. You guys are sure you want to come with us? It could be dangerous!"

"No worries! I've always dreamt to join a quest! My cousin Naru and her husband can take care of the inn for a while."

"And since the villagers are so healthy, they certainly won't miss me." Ami sarcastically added.

Michiru smiled. "Thank you." Her face became dreamy. "I just wish I could have met the puss in boots from last night again..."

"You must have dreamt. Giant cats wearing boots don't exist..." reasoned Donkey Pelt.

"And even if it did, my inn is the only one miles around... Not to mention the best... It would have stopped here and taken a room. I couldn't have missed it." Makoto added.

Ami seemed quite worried. "I don't know..." She said thoughtfully.

The other three looked at her expectantly.

The dwarf blushed when she caught the other staring at her. "Back when I was still at the mine, I had heard rumors of a talking cat wearing boots. It was said to be the lord of a nearby country which it had received from its prince for its good service... I don't know much and I have no evidence of it, but they said that the cat was a master of trickery and an assassin. I've heard it killed many people before it became lord, even a ogre..." She looked back at Michiru worriedly. "It has maybe be sent after you..."

Michiru had a glazed expression on her face. Now that Ami had talked about it, she did remember this story. It had happened to one of her far cousins. At the time, nobody in the ogrean society had given credit to the tale. He was one of the most powerful ogres in the region. That a simple cat would be able to defeat him was simply unthinkable! Everyone had assumed that he had finally ran away with his mistress, a half-tuna/half-whale mermaid. However, if her savior was truly her cousin's assassin...

She shook her head. She could recall all too vividly the intoxicating warmth surrounding her when the giant cat was embracing her so protectively. 'I think it was a female...' She thought absentmindedly. Her mind was more preoccupied by the lean muscles under the so soft, golden fur. And how she had sank in these two beautiful blue pools that were its eyes. She couldn't even stop herself blushing when she remembered how the vibrations of its purr made her feel... Hell, she had even heard the characteristic love-at-the-first-sight background music! If that wasn't indication enough, what was? Yes, she was definitely charmed this time...

No! If it was her cousin's murderer, she'd have to avenge him! He was certainly not the most loveable ogre in the world, but he was still family! She couldn't allow herself to indulge in what was probably only a mere infatuation with a complete stranger!

Of course, if all of this was just a misunderstanding... Everything was possible... She wondered if its, or her, if the cat was indeed female, tongue was as raspy as any other cat's...

She snapped out of it when she finally realized that Donkey Pelt was loudly clapping her hands in front of her face. She blinked several time. "Yes, Donkey Pelt? What do you want?"

"Geez, girl, you completely spaced out! I was about to ask Makoto to try and slap you awake! And why were you blushing so hard anyway?"

Michiru was now so red that no one would have believed that she was an ogress. "Err... It's getting late, shall we go? We'll still have a long way ahead of us and I'd like to be back home by the end of the week!" With that, she flung her backpack on her shoulder and hastily made her way to the door.

She had just stepped outside when a barrel full of stinking pieces of fishes fell on her.

She was in such a state of shock that she didn't react, even when Makoto gently took the barrel away. She was staring blankly straight ahead, her fist spasmodically clenching and unclenching themselves, muttering something unintelligible. She did react though, when she heard hysterical mewls coming from a street nearby. Lots of mewls. Lots, lots of mewl! Then she saw them. Hundreds of starved cats purposefully charging her, drool sliding down their chin. Their eyes clearly said that she was on their menu. Her feet didn't wait for her brain to process the information and hurried in the opposite direction.

(AN: Does anyone remember the music of the Benny Hill show, when Benny Hill was invariably purchased by a furious mob at the end of the show? No? Maybe I'm already too old...) She ran through, around and even under the village several times, the cats in hot pursuit behind her, which in turn were followed by her three friends. She also created a few new doors and many villagers were surprised in their intimacy. Several chicken discovered that under certain circumstances they were indeed able to fly and enjoyed a long-wished freedom before being eaten by foxes. And even more dogs would need professional help for the rest of their life...

The cats eventually got tired of running after her and began to fight each other for the fish pieces she had lost in her flight. And so she was in the town center, panting heavily when Donkey Pelt and the others finally joined her. Unknown to them, a stylishly clothed feline figure had witnessed the whole ordeal from a roof. "Hum, the test wasn't very concluding. Maybe I shoul..."

BAM!

Something violently hit the puss in boots in the back, sending it crashing down the roof in the central place, close to our heroine's group.

Michiru, Donkey Pelt, Ami and Makoto quickly looked up when they heard the cry of pain and the impact of a golden and black figure a few meters away from them. The ogress's eyes widened when she recognized who it was and she ran to her, her friends on her heels. Her eyes watered when she saw that the giant cat was unconscious. Beside her, Ami was already at work.

"What happened?" She asked no one in particular.

* * *

AN: (Smirks) 


	7. Food is the highway to a manwomancat's h

**Food is the highway to a man/woman/cat's heart**

Disclaimer: Don't own anything but the story, yadda, yadda... Oh, and here is my personal version of 'Sleepy Hollow', the movie, and an allusion to 'Le Cid' by Corneille (if you know what I'm talking about, I'll give you a virtual cookie)...

* * *

"OOOOOOH, OH, OH, OH, OH, OOOOOOOOHHHH - kof - kof - Ugh! Still have to train for the maniacal laughter!"

The young women looked upon hearing the bone-chilling sound and found a leather armor-clad (understand small pieces of leather and chain-mail only covering strategic points in the pure tradition of heroic-fantasy heroines) woman with long green hair and bright orangish skin on the roof where the Puss in boots had probably been thrown from. She rested her hands on her hips, arrogantly looking down on them.

"Listen to me pathetic creatures! Fear my wrath! I am Pumpkin, the official right hand woman of the real badass of this story! My mission is to kill you after making you feel endless pain, despair and abject terror..." She licked her sensual lips. "... And I'll take great pleasure in doing so." She finished huskily. She then reached in her generous cleavage and produced a purse, taking something from inside, she threw it at the group of gaping women.

Dread filled their innocent heart. Surely, something awful was going to happen! After such a grandiose introduction, it had to! Hell was probably about to vomit its monstrous armies! Herds of demons would ravage the world, burn, torture and... And confiscate all the booze for themselves, leaving no hope to mortals!

"Err... guys?" Ami said. "It's just a little bean..."

"A bean?" The three others echoed dumbly.

"Yes, you know, any kind of leguminous plant with edible usually kidney-shaped seeds in long pods, which is obviously what she's just thrown..."

Ami found herself on the receiving end of three blank stares during two good minutes before two of them finally lightened with understanding. Donkey Pelt was left trying understanding the dictionary definition.

"Errmh... A bean, hum, yes... Are you sure?" Michiru asked at last, having protectively placed herself between the threatening bean lying on the ground a few meters away and the cute feline. Makoto had done just the same since Ami was still tending the cat, although she didn't come too close to Michiru. The fish smell was steadily getting worse.

"I am fairly positive."

"No, I meant, don't you think it's a trap or something?"

The young dwarf carefully pondered the question. "Well, there is always a margin of error, but taking into account that nothing has happened for the past five minutes yet, that Miss Pumpkin looks as confused and clueless as Donkey Pelt and after solving a simple probability formula, I can say with a 82 certainty, give or take 10 , that this little bean is harmless, as long as none of the variables change of course."

Makoto just glomped the young dwarf. "Isn't she cute when she's talking like that? I don't understand a bean, but it sounds so melodramatic! How could I not fall for her!"

"... Le...legumistuff ?" Donkey Pelt asked, clearly stuck some lines ago.

Michiru blinked several times. "So, you mean I could go and have a bath ?"

"Arrrgh!" Answered both Ami and the Puss in boots, the former turning as blue as her hair in the strong embrace of her girlfriend while the later started waking up.

Michiru kneeled back close to the mysterious Puss in boots, making Makoto hastily back away and Ami put a gas mask on. "Ooooh! God bless you Ami! She's waking up!" She said, completely unaware of the others's reactions.

"Hey you worthless heroines! Stop ignoring me! It's supposed to be the great fighting scene where I easily wipe your sorry arses out!"

A dumbfounded silence answered her.

"Hum... Sorry 'bout that... but I don't think any of us is into scato..." Michiru finally managed to say, her (upper) cheeks and her friends's own burning (you didn't expect me to go and check on the lowers, did you? Not that I would mind, but I'm not suicidal!).

Pumpkin's lower jaw hit the roof, making cracks under her feet. "What the...? That wasn't what I was meaning, you perverts!" and she rageously stomped her foot. As expected in these kinds of situations, the roof gave way and she fell through it with a startled yelp.

The others patiently waited for her to emerge out of the thick cloud of dough, dust and feathers. "What a brilliant strategy, Lady Michiru!" Donkey Pelt cooed, stars in her eyes.

The young ogress coughed in her fist. "Hum... Brom... Yes, err, brilliant, wasn't it? I'm glad everything worked out just as planned..."

She was saved from the suspicious gazes of the two others, when their self-proclaimed enemy suddenly shot out of the house like she had just seen Lucifer himself. And indeed, "COME BACK HERE YOU DAMN PUNK!" an old hag shouted from the doorway. "I put my best lingerie on just for you! Even the pink ribbon! You could at least have said something nice to me!" With surprising strength, she threw a large, black ball at Pumpkin before disappearing inside again, between fits of sobs.

The ball missed the green-haired woman's head, hit a wall, fell heavily on the ground with a thump and gently rolled to Donkey Pelt's feet who picked it up. The ball was made of some solid material and Donkey Pelt's arm quivered under it's weight. There were three holes, rather close to one another and big enough for someone to stick their fingers into. On the opposite face, a huge white circle with a black eight was painted. "Oh wow!" She chirped "A magic ball!"

Fleeing as quickly from the ogress as politeness allowed it, Makoto approached her, looking curiously at the ball. "Isn't a magic ball supposed to be a billiard ball, not a bowling one? Or made of crystal?"

Seeing that everyone was ignoring her again, Pumpkin pulled a nasty looking sword from behind her back and growling, charged Michiru. "I'm gonna cut your head off and take it as a trophy!" She snarled. The young ogress was caught off guard by the attack since she had redirected all her attention back to the moaning (and damn cute) cat. The assassin smirked, just one swift slash and her mission would be partly achieved. When she was about two meters away from Michiru, time seemed to slow down as she was about to strike the surprised ogress. She licked her lips, thinking about the terror her victim was certainly feeling...

Then it hit her.

The stench wafted up her nostrils directly to her brain, it was so sharp that it threatened to fry the rosy organ to a crisp. It was like being hit by a professional boxer. Her eyes watered and foam appeared on the side of her mouth as she bonelessly collapsed at Michiru's feet.

"What was that all about?" The Puss weakly asked. When she had woken up, the beautiful young ogress was the first thing she saw. Well, it was the second, if you considered the dwarf who had almost caused her to have an heart attack with the awful giant fly head-looking mask that covered her face, but it didn't count... She didn't know why, but being so close to the ogress was even more compelling than the last time. It was as if each time she saw her, she was even more attracted. Yeah, there was just something about her that made her want to nuzzle her and...

Michiru tenderly stroked the cat's jaw line, causing her to purr automatically. "Nothing relevant... I think this woman just spent way too much time in a suntan center. She's out for good." Her hand drifted behind the cat's ears and the purr got significantly louder. "Are you alright? Can you stand up?"

The Puss reluctantly nodded and got up. She couldn't remember having enjoyed being simply petted that much for ages. She was a wild cat after all, and wild cat had their pride! They certainly weren't humans's, or ogres's toys! A wild cat was its own master! A wild cat was always in control!

"Woah! Lady Michiru, you were right! It really exist ! It's soooo cute!" Donkey Pelt rushed to the giant cat, apparently completely unaffected by Michiru's smell. Holding the ball under one arm, she began to scratch her behind her ears as well and the cat began to senselessly purr again.

"Err, yes..." Michiru was startled to discover how it annoyed her that someone else petted the giant cat. It was just Donkey Pelt after all. Nothing to worry about! She turned back to the cat. "Excuse me for being so rude. You saved my life and I never got to thank you properly. I didn't even introduce myself and my friends." She was satisfied when she got the cat's attention back and pointed at her companions successively. "Here are Ami Mizuno, Donkey Pelt and Makoto Kino. And my name is Michiru Kaioh..." She said as she gracefully curtsied.

Getting a grip on herself, the giant cat executed a very elaborate salute with her hat. "I'm honored to be in such delicious company." She then gently caught Michiru's right hand in her paw, intending to gentlemanly kiss it. "My name's Tenoh... Tenoh Haruka..." She took a whiff of Michiru's delicate scent and barely stopped herself lapping at the hand.

Michiru gasped and brutally freed her hand. "You... You really are the famous Haruka Tenoh? The one who killed my sixth degree cousin and took his land over?" She looked at the cat bitterly. "And here I thought you were only a legend to scare little ogres..." She took a few steps back, assuming a fighting stance while the others, save Makoto, gathered around her. She almost had tears in her eyes when she asked "Did you really kill him?"

'Oh fuck! She said cousins!' Haruka was thrown off balance by the sudden change of atmosphere. She wanted to deny everything, she wanted to erase the look of hurt and betrayal in those beautiful blue eyes. She wanted to be petted again... But she couldn't, she had made a promise a long time ago. Her honor, as well as other people's happiness, people dear to her heart, were in balance. She sighed regretfully. "Yes, I killed him..."

"The... legend says you made him transform in a mouse and... and..." she couldn't imagine it, it was too awful. "... Are you here to... eat me too?" Michiru's voice was quivering.

"Yes... I am..."

Life sucked!

The four women walked silently on the forest stony path. Once in a while, one of them would cast a worried glance at the young ogress leading them. It was as if all the light, all happiness had been sucked out of her. She was just walking, staring blankly ahead. It had been like that ever since she tried to kill Haruka who easily escaped with an unnatural rapidity. As far as Ami and Makoto were concerned, the only improvement was that Michiru had taken a bath after that, at least.

Finally, Donkey Pelt mustered enough courage to approach the morose ogress. "Lady Michiru? What's wrong?"

"Wrong? Wrong? Nothing's wrong ! I'm a freak, the only prince available is gay, I keep getting soiled, the puss I have a crush on is an assassin hired to kill me and even though I've been exiled from my own community, I'm still bound to kill her by family law. If I don't, I'll be considered as a traitor by all my kin, hunted down and tortured to death! I'm sure they don't even have proper hygiene regulations in jail! But there's nothing wrong with that! EVERYTHING'S PERFECTLY FINE THANK YOU VERY MUCH!"

"Oh good, I was getting worried!" Donkey Pelt beamed.

Michiru pressed the back of her hand to her forehead. "Oh Rage! Oh deep Despair! Oh Lust, my Enemy! Have I lived so long only to deserve such vile fate?" She sighed tiredly. "Why do I even bother...?"

"So, you still are attracted to Haruka?" Ami asked matter-of-factly.

The ogress abruptly stopped while her cheeks flushed. "Yes... I mean... No! I can't love her! She murdered my cousin!"

"Yeah, but she's so charming and classy and sexy..." Donkey Pelt interjected dreamily. "... And I'm sure she's potty-trained!" She added approvingly.

The three others face-planted.

"Anyway..." Michiru said when she recovered "... She admitted she wanted to eat me, so I guess I have no choice, I'll have to face her!"

Ami and Makoto blushed profusely.

"Pumpkin-honeyyy!" The old voice came muffled through the closed door. "Guess what! I just found the tiny winy bikini I wore when I won the Miss Potatoe Beauty Contest! And it still suits me!" A cackle that was meant to be a girlish giggle was then heard.

In abject terror, Pumpkin trashed on the bed she was cuffed to, desperately pulling on the chains...

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A.N: I want to thank all my reviewers! Thanks for all the comments guys! 


	8. The Path to Hell is paved with Good Inte

**The path to Hell is paved with good intentions, what is the path to Heaven paved with, then?**

Disclaimer: Don't own anything but this funny (I hope) cocktail... I was wondering. Now, a cocktail is an (usually) alcoholic drink, which is quite often drunk by women because it has a sweeter taste than beer or a pure liquor. And well, everyone knows that alcohol makes people a lot less inhibited... So, is it a coincidence that a word used to refer to this kind of beverage is formed by cock and tail? Sorry, that's just an example of the weird thoughts that go through my mind at 0030 a.m.

Oh, yeah, and there will be a few hints at 'Alice in Wonderland' by _Lewis Caroll_ and 'The Lord of the Ring' by _J.R.R. Tolkien_, in this chapter and probably in the followings. Hum, 'Terminator' and Battle Athletes' too. Don't sue me, I have flies to feed and take care of, while already threatened by debts and being currently jobless...

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"Women are so foolish!" The prince snorted after watching the recent developments in the magic mirror, a few meters away from the swing where he was sitten. "They let their heart lead their life instead of using their head. That's why men are in charge! Don't you think so, darling?"

Endymion turned his head to glance at Fiore who was pushing him from behind. When their eyes met, time slowed down, the background turned pink with delicate bubbles, piano music was playing and the scent of roses and fertilizer became overpowering. They were the true embodiment of heavenly bliss.

Setsuna watched sweat dropping the henchmen discreetly holding the pink panels behind the two men, blowing soap bubbles and perfume around them and playing music. She wondered what a story would become without them.

Endymion snapped out of it. "Anyway, I wonder who would try to prevent this quest from succeeding!"

Setsuna opened her mouth only to shut it firmly when Fiore shot her a murderous glare.

"Probably some court intrigue." Fiore cooed. "It is no wonder that such a handsome and charming prince like you, my love, is jealoused. I've never trusted this Duke of Kakkyu for instance... What was his name already? Seya? Believe me, dear, someone who spends so much time disguising himself as a woman is trouble!"

"Yes, yes, you are right, as usual, love..." Endymion slowed the swing until it came to a stop and let Fiore help him up. "I shall keep an eye on him. Actually, I'm going to take care of this matter right now since I have nothing else to do while you'll be tending to your duties" He looked back at the mirror. "Setsuna, you come with me!"

Fiore's eyes narrowed while watching his lover leave. Endymion's tone had been a bit too... eager... Oh, well, Seya was just another little troublemaker he'd have to take care of. With a frightening laugh, he turned around, his robe swirling in his wake.

The group of women was going through a dark, thick forest. From time to time, when the tree were a bit more spaced, they could see the high white tops of the mountainous chain known as the Allpinneds they were heading to. The sun was setting and the Allpinned seemed to cruelly saw a bleeding sky. They had decided to stop and camp at the feet of those ageless giants of stone and ice.

"Actually,..." Ami piped in "... mountains are the result of the friction between two landmasses. One slowly, oh-so-slowly slides underneath the other, plunging in the incandescent depths of our mother earth, while the other is left with little choice than arching up to the sky where lazy clouds will caress it. This relentless grinding, of course, generates energy and shocks that can be felt on all the line of contact and more than often up to the surface. Those are earthquakes, which can be multiple and of different magnitude. However, the most spectacular phenomenon is probably volcano eruptions which are the true embodiment of all this pent-up energy suddenly exploding in a geyser of primal plasma! Yes! A climax of geological dimension..." The passion written on the young doctor's face was truly a sight to behold. Her cheeks were flushed with the cutest of blushes and her eyes, lost in the ecstasy of nature wonders, were sparkling like stars...

"Wow! I wish Ami had been my teacher at school..." Donkey Pelt and Makoto found themselves saying together, the later even letting a trickle of drool escape her mouth.

"SIGH!"

All at once, they turned to the fourth member of their merry group, who had been sighing like that for hours now. Makoto was seriously considering knocking her out and carrying her the rest of the way. These sighs were dangerously grating on her nerves.

"Ami, I was wondering... Why did you decide to accompany us, anyway?" Donkey Pelt asked in an effort to shake off the gloomy mood that had settled on the group. Actually, it was mainly centered around Michiru, her immediate surroundings bathed in darkness.

Ami cast a careful glance at her tall lover. "Hum... Let's say that where Mako goes, I go too..."

"Ohh, that's so sweet..." The oblivious servant turned then to Makoto. "So why did you come, then?"

"This quest has been ordered by Prince Endymion, right?"

"Yeah..."

"Well, I happen to have some unfinished business with him... I made him a promise a long time ago, and I'd like to be able to repay my... debt..." The giant was doing her best to ignore the slightly reproachful glare of her lover. "And I need to see him for that."

"Ohh, you're a lady of honor, I see..." Donkey Pelt beamed.

Makoto sweat dropped. "Well, I am a princess, after all, even if I much prefer running my little inn..."

Donkey Pelt nodded in complete understanding. "Yes, it's such a lovely place, although I wonder why a princess would need to work..." She completely missed the cringe that swept on the tall brunette's face.

Silence stretched once again, Makoto joining Michiru in the very private Negative Vibes Emitters club.

"Did I say something?"

Suddenly, a shrieking and familiar laugh made itself known "Hohohhohohohohhohoohoooo!"

"Oh! Santa Klaus is here!" Donkey Pelt was clapping her hands in glee and jumping up and down.

"Pumpkin?" The others exclaimed.

"Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, hooo! Yes, I am back. I went through hell, but now, I'm ready to take my revenge on you! I'll make you suffer twice what I had to endure because of your treachery!" She pulled the bean purse out of her cleavage once again... and glasses. Pink glasses, banana-shaped. She looked like a teacher with them on her nose. Okay, a hot teacher with ugly spectacles, but a teacher non-the-less. She took a bean and a little piece of paper out of the purse. "All right! What does it say?» She squinted her eyes, trying to decipher the crappy handwriting. «Mmmh... a) open the purse following the diagram - checked b) select a bean - checked c) throw it to your intended victim with an elegant flick of the wrist..." She threw it, the other girls calmly watching it land a few meters ahead of them. "And now... d) wet it with the miniaturized watering-can included in the package and wait..." She blinked, then looked inside the purse and pulled out the mini-watering-can. She looked at it, then at the bean, then at the watering-can again and back at the bean.

The girls were still waiting, vaguely wondering what kind of course Pumpkin could teach.

She sighed. Why, oh why were the user's guides always so stupid!

Pumpkin took a big breath and started her desperate sprint towards the damned magic bean. She ran like an antelope with a lioness (come on, if it was a lion, she wouldn't have to, he would be to occupied yawning...) on her tail, her arms outstretched behind her like angel wings, hair floating behind her. Her technique was perfect, she was faster than the wind, faster than the sound. She could hear the public cheering her as she neared the arrival of the race. Suddenly, everything faded into darkness as light welcomed her in a gentle embrace. Pumpkin smiled, tears in her eyes at the beauty laid before her. So that was it, the famous light her mother had talked about.

"MUD SUBMERGE!"

The shout was followed by a filthy ball of mud that hit Pumpkin head on. The mercenary was launched in air better than if she had been sitting on millions of liters of trinitroglycerine, her cry of pain and dismay deformed by the Doppler effect. She was still screaming when she came back from her short but very educational spatial flight and blew a crater in the ground.

The girls looked at Michiru in wonders.

"Oh wow!" Exclaimed Makoto with new respect in her voice "What was that?"

"My oh-so-great special power." Grumbled the young ogress in response. "Now, shall we continue on our wonderful and merry quest?" Not really expecting an answer, she strode off to the mountains, not sparing a glance to the bloody goop in the crater.

The other girls wordlessly followed her.

A while later, Pumpkin painfully extracted herself from the ground. She was partly burnt and blood streaked down her face. One of her eyes glowed red as she stared in the direction the girls had taken. "I'll be back!" She vowed in a raucous voice.

Vibrating with strength of impact, an arrow dug itself in the trunk of a tree just beside her, grazing her left cheek. "The hell...!"

A quite plump woman jumped out of the bushes she was hiding in. She had platinum curly blond hair. She was carrying a bow and wore nothing but some kind of white towel that covered only the essentials, and a big smile. "Woops! Did I scare you? I'm so sorry!"

"Who the hell are you?" Yelled Pumpkin.

"Oh! My name's Erotica. I'm Cupid's new apprentice..." Erotica replied cutely, batting her eye-lashes enticingly.

"What the...! Aren't your arrows supposed to be harmless!"

"Oh Cupid's are. But I'm only an apprentice, so I only get to use plain ones for now. Who knows which kinds of horrors would happen if every new apprentice got to shot love arrows everywhere! It would be the anarchy! He sent me training in this forest and I'm happy to say that I've greatly improved." She gestured at a mount of dead preys behind her that Pumpkin hadn't noticed until now.

Pumpkin paled. "B-b-b-b-but... Why are you shooting at me!"

Erotica blushed, pressing one hand on one of her healthy cheeks. "Well, I saw you in the forest and I found you sooo pretty!" She drew another arrow while openly checking out the poor green-haired woman. "However, I could feel the hurt and loneliness in your heart. It simply draws me to you and compels me to shot everything I've got to you until this hole in your heart is filled."

"You're gonna KILL ME!" Pumpkin screamed hysterically while backing away when she saw Erotica aiming at her again.

"Let me fill your heart! I know I can make it better..."

Pumpkin was even faster than before, performing the race of her life, literally, while whimpering "Why do I only attract weirdoes!" (A.N: Actually, I can sympathize there)

Ami sighed, in relief, when they finally reached their predetermined campsite, just out of the forest. Hopefully, tomorrow would prove to be better.

Michiru set the tents, while Ami and Donkey Pelt gathered wood for the fire. Makoto just went off, saying she would take care of the dinner. She came back a while later, looking troubled.

"What is it Makoto?"

"I'm not sure, I was fishing in a lake nearby, and all the while, I felt like I was being watched..."

"Your instinct doesn't fool you. We've been tailed all along..." With a curt nod of the head, she pointed at the complete darkness beyond the reddish pool of light provided by the campfire. There, two bright points of light were moving, coming closer and closer.

Michiru shot up, trembling of rage, or fear. "Is this...?"

"Yes." Ami confirmed. She placed a calming hand on the ogress's forearm "I think she's followed us, ever since your fight. However, she hasn't made a move to attack us..."

"Well, duh... That's because she's afraid of us!"

"I doubt it. We've seen what she's capable of and how fast she moves. Donkey Pelt and myself wouldn't stand a chance in a fight with her. Together, Michiru and you could probably beat her, but in a one-to-one fight..."

"Wha...? You think I can't stand my ground against this fur ball?" Makoto asked

"Of course not! You're the strongest woman in this world and I trust you with my life!" Ami replied, snuggling up to the brown-haired woman and tracing small rounds on her chest.

Donkey Pelt leaned over Michiru, asking her from the corner of her mouth "Don't ya think these two are trying to hog the story?"

Michiru just nodded glumly, not really paying attention. Her mind was... elsewhere...

Seeing Michiru's obvious lack of interest, Donkey Pelt huffed in annoyance and addressed Ami. "So, what do you think she wants?"

Ami shrugged and looked meaningfully at Michiru. "Whether she's waiting for a better opportunity to attack us, but frankly, she had golden ones during the whole day, or ..."

"WHAT?"

"I would have been quite easy for her to ambush us in the forest, or eliminate us while we were gathering wood. She could have taken Makoto down while she was finding food. Michiru would have been alone against her. Considering her current state of mind, I don't think the issue would have been hard-pressed." The blue-haired dwarf looked at Michiru meaningfully.

The ogress avoided her gaze, faintly blushing. 'She's right. I... I don't want to fight Haruka. It's crazy! I barely know her... and yet...' Strong but gentle arms embracing her, warmth, security, tenderness...

"However, I highly doubt she plans to handle the matter like that. The logical course of action for her would probably be to subjugate and make you surrender to her and then, take you away..."

Michiru grabbed her own head and let out a soft plaintive moan 'Why did Ami have to use such evocative words each time she talked about the giant cat? It was torture!' It startled her how eager she was to believe her and just give in the temptation. They would just have to run away together and live their forbidden love far from anyone... But could she really gamble with her life on Ami's assumptions, besides, what would become of Setsuna?

There was really only one way.

Wordlessly, Michiru got up and headed straight in the direction where the two feline orbs were gleaming, in the forest.

Donkey Pelt made a move to follow her, but Makoto yanked her back. "What the...! She needs our help! We can't let her face Haruka alone! The gods know what she will do to her!"

Makoto shook her head "I know it's dangerous, but it's something she needs to do by herself. We shouldn't intrude."

"But what about the mission?"

"This is her decision to make. Don't worry. Should she decide to abandon the quest, Ami and I will still help you to fulfill it."

Donkey Pelt nodded sadly while watching Michiru being swallowed by the shadows of the night.

* * *

A.N: Sorry it took me so long to update. I was, and to some extent, still am in a very bad case of writer block. I'll do my best to update more regularly, though...

Once again, thanks to all my reviewers, I'm glad I was able to entertain you


	9. Jingling Breast, Jingling Breasts

**Jingling breasts, jingling breasts, jingling on the way...**

AN: Oy, it has really been long since I last updated, isn't it? I'm really sorry, it's just that many things happened (two computer deaths, World of Warcraft…) and I didn't see time go by... Well yes, I'm easily distracted -glances at Hobbes, Ayrki and FanRei- What can I say? You would be too if you'd had the sheer luck to meet them... You girls are sucking up all my verve... -smirks-

And then, work happened too. You know, that very time-consuming thing that helps your bank account looking much less like a tadpole agonizing on the dry sand. However, while it helps greatly in paying the aforementioned debts, it isn't still quite enough for me to afford being sued... So please don't, I've never claimed owning anything except the situation I placed the characters in... and Pumpkin... And Erotica too... Now, where was I? Oh, yeah...

* * *

Nervousness was wracking Michiru's nerves as she followed the two gleaming eyes dragging her further away from the campsite and deeper in the thick bush of the forest. Of course, she was confident in her fighting abilities. After all, she was an ogress, which roughly meant that everything could be on her menu, except maybe rocks... and cockroaches... and skunks of course... 

Alright, there were a few exceptions, but she was positive that she could handle a mere puss! Yeah! I was going to be a walk in the breeze!

Well... Okay, she had to admit Haruka was a damningly good-looking, fluffy and deliciously charming puss, but just a puss non-the-less! One head, two arms, two legs - Michiru's eyes twitched - a... tail, eight... breasts, golden silk-like fur, incredibly cute ears that would flatten themselves on her head when she so adoringly pouted...

'Who am I kidding?' She chastised herself while grabbing her head in despair. "I'm doomed!"

The air itself was thick with anticipation as she ambled on the slightly damp carpet of moss, so thick actually that Michiru was sincerely surprised it could still slide down her throat without choking her... Much... At last, she erupted in a fairly large glade, silvery moonlight bathing it in gentle greys and dark shadows. A river cut through its length, lapping its grassy banks, its stream inviting to a tempting dip in its depths. But, as she locked her gaze with Haruka's, now wasn't the time to indulge in such pleasures... Her foe was calmly waiting a few paces away from her, leaning on a large boulder by the river. Her striking figure was bathed in the same shades of grey and black as her surroundings while her glinting eyes attentively followed each and every curve... err, movement of the ogress.

"So, my preciousssss... I see you finally decided to come and confront me?"

Michiru raised an eyebrow "Your... preciousssss? That's... cheesy... And what's with the 'sss'?" The look of rapt attention on Haruka's face was... unsettling to say the least...

Haruka just shrugged, the glint in her eyes intensifying with amusement. "Well, you can't attract mice with kerosene..."

"Err, didn't the right proverb involve bees and vinegar?"

"What can I say? I'm a cat after all, I prefer eating up mice than bees, although I could make an exception with such an alluring bee as yourself..." Replied the cat coolly, her voice taking a feral tone.

Michiru melted away like cheese in a Swiss fondue.

'Oh damn! She got me here!' She straightened up, angry at finding herself so easily distracted. "Flattery won't help you winning this fight..." She lied, but then smirked. "Come here and bring it on, or are you just talk?" She shifted to a fighting stance.

Haruka detached herself from the boulder and unsheathed her razor-sharp sword in one fluid motion. "Be careful with what you ask for, pretty lady..." She mock saluted.

They slowly began to turn around each other, appraising their opponent with practiced eyes as they exchanged gauging jabs. Actually, Michiru noticed, Haruka's eyes seemed to appraise something altogether different from her fighting skills... She let her gaze drop to where the giant cat's gaze had fastened itself and suddenly felt a fierce blush spread from her heaving chest all the way to her cheeks.

Haruka took advantage of the opening, grabbed one of the young ogress's wrists, twisted it and attempted to take her down. Michiru, seeing the danger, wrenched her arm free and jumped out of the way. Not without spraining her wrist a little though. Michiru winced. Damn the cat was fast! She really was dangerous! Michiru looked up, expecting to find a smug look on her foe's face. She was startled to find a curious mix of worry and annoyance instead.

Why would Haruka feel that way? Did she really think she could beat her in just a single move? How arrogant! Anger rose within the ogress. Sure, she wasn't by far the toughest of her kind, but she could still hold her own in a fight. And she was going to prove it right now!

Michiru took a deep breath and gathered her power "MUD SUBMERGE!" Her attack wasn't very powerful. She was horrified to find that she just couldn't bring herself to hurt the giant cat, which was bad, considering she highly doubted her opponent would have such qualms.

"You'll have to try harder and faster if you want to make me feel it!" Haruka taunted while safely dancing away from the magical blast.

Michiru smirked. So, that was how it was going to be? "You want me to come harder on you? I'll give you just what you want!"

"Oooohh ! Sounds promising!"

She'd just have to use the big sticks for… this… one……… Err…. The young ogress resisted the urge to smack her head on a nearby boulder. 'Why, oh why does my brain have to keep coming up with troubling images like that? It was so totally unfair!' She lamented internally. She came out of her funk in time to barely dodge a leg sweep and get out of the way once again.

"You seem very intend on having me on my back!" She said, more to gain some time than anything else. Hard as she tried, she couldn't find any weakness in her opponent's guard, proving once again that Haruka's reputation as a skillful fighter wasn't usurped.

Haruka smirked. "Well of course, that would certainly be one of the ways I would _have_ you…" She chuckled at the startled blush spreading once again on her lovely ogress's cheeks. "What can I say? I'm an assassin. I'm certainly no gentleman, you know that. So if you leave yourself… wide open… I will take advantage..."

Michiru was shocked. "You would dare to force yourself on me?"

"Forcing myself on you? I wouldn't need to… This isn't forcing."

"How arrogant of you! You think I'm just going to surrender for your pretty eyes? If you do something to someone that they are in the impossibility to resist, then it's forcing them!"

Haruka chuckled and began circling around the ogress like the predator that she was. "I never forced anyone. Well, at least I never forced a woman to do something she didn't want…" She amended. The circles were becoming smaller as the puss's voice grew low and tempting. "Besides, I could ask you the same question. What about the spell you cast on me?"

"The spell… What spell?" Momentarily distracted by the unexpected change of subject, Michiru was helpless to counter Haruka's sudden attack and soon found herself tackled on the ground, a tall form above her hindering each of her movement. Not that she really wanted to move. She found her treacherous body liking very much being where it was, trapped between the fresh grass of the river banks and the warm furry body of her enemy, the smell of this summer night enveloping the both of them.

"This is a fight, yet, you were lost in your little fantasies the whole time. I'm not blind. I've seen the way you look at me. You don't want to fight me." The low voice turned into an amused purr that sent little shivers in Michiru's body. "What you want of me is very different and way sweeter… This is why you cast this spell on me, isn't it? I don't know how you knew who I was back then, in the tavern, nor how you did it, but since then, all I can think about is you. The way you look, the way you sound, the way you smell… The way you feel… I have tried, the gods know I have, to put it aside, to complete my mission regardless, but I simply can't stand hurting you. I'm so well ensnared that I don't even want to be freed of this spell. I'm attracted to you like dirt to a toddler. I can, no, I want to give it to you. To give it all. I want to be yours and I want you to be all mine. You know you want to give in also. Come with me, I could make you happy beyond reason. Come on, what would be so wrong about that? Give me a chance?" The last was said pleadingly and would have won the ogress over even if she hadn't added brokenly. "Or free me and face the consequences honorably."

Michiru's voice caught in her throat, her heart was racing so fast it was a wonder it hadn't burst out yet. It was everything she'd hoped someone would tell her one day. Well, except for the toddler part maybe. Although, if that meant she wanted children, she would be quite happy as well to have some. Not right away, of course, they had time after all, but she could easily imagine herself holding a small green furry bundle in her arms. Although, maybe they would adopt…

A small, tender smile slowly brightened her face as she gazed in those fascinating green orbs. "You're right and so wrong at the same time." She watched the confusion playing so close to her with childish enjoyment. "You're right when you say this is what I want, that you're what I want. However, where you're wrong… Well, even if I wanted to set you free I couldn't. I don't know of any love spell. If I did, I wouldn't be here, which would have been a real pity, don't you think?"

Haruka's eyes widened. "You mean to say… I'm really in love with you? All the lovey-dovey mushy stuff I just sprouted wasn't induced by some sort of magically romantic stupor?"

"Err… Yes, I'm afraid love was the only magic involved here… Nothing surnatural, although it does feel like it is… Maybe Cupid had a hand in this."

"Oh gods! I'm really doomed, aren't I?" That was said with a shy smile, which left a feeling that doom wasn't such a bad thing after all.

"Funny you would say that, it was exactly what I was thinking before coming here. But you know what? I don't care. I don't care about my family, I don't care about my kin anymore. As long as you are by my side." Michiru laughed at the light blush appearing on Haruka's cheeks, which she stroked gently. "You'll get used to all this mushiness…" She grinned. "Eventually…"

Haruka grinned back. "Yeah, eventually…" Relaxing completely, the sandy-furred cat took the time to lose herself in tender blue orbs, before ever so slowly leaning down, enjoying every second of it. Her gaze irresistibly drifted to inviting lips…

Neither of them noticed the small stampede careening their way until it was too late. Shock was what took them. Actually it was more something like SHOCK! Yes, complete and utter SHOCK when they found themselves unexpectedly dumped in the icily embrace of the river instead of warm arms. When cold water filled their mouth instead of hot tongues.

Michiru, being the good swimmer that she was, quickly and efficiently kicked her way up, only to find her new-found lover flailing her arms erratically. Obviously, the cat didn't know how to swim and was panicking. The young ogress swiftly swam behind her and grabbed her by the shoulders. That wasn't such a good idea since in her panic, Haruka struggled harder and brought them both under. When they broke the surface again, they were both panting heavily and spluttering. Michiru turned around and faced the terrorized feline. She cupped Haruka's face, forcing her to focus on her while tying to soothe her. "Haruka! Shhh! Please calm down. I'm here. Everything's okay" She repeated over and over until the cat settled down.

Haruka's breath was still raged but at least she'd considerably calmed down, even if Michiru could still see the terror in this green eyes. "Mi-Michiru… I hate water! I hate it! I don't know how to swim. I'm gonna drown here! Take me out of this, please!" The feline whimpered.

The young ogress sighed. Apparently, she wasn't about to do watersports with her anytime soon. Too bad, she'd always dreamed about diving in the fascinating aquatic depths with a trusted buddy. "Now Haruka, you may not have noticed it, but you're tall enough to stand in the river…"

Silence fell, save for the now far away stampede, and crickets, and a few unconcerned owls…

"Err…"

Haruka stood upright and indeed found that her feet touched bottom.

"See, it isn't so bad…" Michiru had wrapped her arms around Haruka's neck.

Haruka nodded. "It isn't, but I'd still rather be out of this if you don't mind…" With that she headed for the river bank, grabbed Michiru's bottom and lifted her out of the water before following her on the dry land. Michiru let a mock outraged squeak at the action, but soon found her lips too occupied to express her feeling about Haruka's casual manhandling of her body.

"Err... Haruka, why are you licking my face?"

The cat interrupted her activity, and her steadily growing purr, puzzled. "Well, you're all wet... I thought... I mean, I just swore I'd protect you, I don't want you to catch a cold or something... hum..." Haruka fiddled with some grass nervously "Or maybe my tongue is too rough... I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable..."

Michiru remained silent a long time, considering The giant cat gravely. She thought long and hard and finally came to the only reasonable conclusion: 'To hell with everything!'

Michiru shifted until she straddled Haruka's long legs. "No, Haruka, your tongue isn't too rough. As a matter of fact, I quite enjoy the feeling of it, and..." She reached over, gently rubbing behind Haruka's ears whose purring instantly got louder "... I would like it very much if you would help me getting... dried..."

Haruka smirked her trademark cocky smirk "My lady's wishes are my command..."

"However, this seems hardly fair. I should put my hands where my mouth is and… reciprocate the favor. After all, I can't have you do all the work… And you're so drenched, your hair are all flattened."

"Well, you're quite wet yourself, though I do like the way your cloth stick to your lovely curves…" Haruka replied mischievously. Suddenly she seemed to remember something. "By the way, what was that? I seem to remember female screams then all of a sudden we were in the water…"

"Yeah, I don't know either. But whatever it was, it probably have something to do with all these arrows…" The glade was now indeed covered with sharp arrows. She shrugged, dismissing the subject. "Anyway, I think we have better things to do right now instead of wondering about some crazy boar hunt party…"


End file.
